


I’m a House of Cards

by RedHeadedBastards



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angels, Angst, Drabble, Gay, Gay Character, Internalized Homophobia, LGBT, LGBT characters, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:55:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25386433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedHeadedBastards/pseuds/RedHeadedBastards
Summary: A forced, half-hearted chuckle drops from his lips, the cards in his hands catching awkwardly on themselves mid shuffle.“I guess tha’s wha’ growin’ up afraid does ta ya.”
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character, Ronan Mulcahey/Wen Beckman
Kudos: 2





	I’m a House of Cards

Nausea

It’s all he could feel in the moment, the last few moments, the last few weeks.

He shouldn’t be feeling this way.

_Why did he always feel this way_?

Ronan sat at the table, slumped over onto his elbows as his fingers split the deck in his hands. Flipping and pushing and pulling and bending, the loud smacks of card stock filling his ears as he shuffled. It was a familiar motion, repetitive and simple in its execution. Helped to ground his mind from wandering too far into the clouds of his anxiety.

He tilts his head with a frown, studying the cards as he switched to an overhand shuffle. It wasn’t right, the thoughts in his head. They just weren’t. It wouldn’t make sense if they were, years of ingraining the truth only for it to be a lie. He slotted the cards into place, over and over.

What would Wen do if he knew the kind of thoughts he’d been having about him?

The thoughts shuffling in his own mind spilled from his hands onto the table. Panic rose in his chest.

_He shouldn’t be thinking about this_. It was wrong, disgusting- _he_ was wrong and disgusting for thinking them. He slammed his cards onto the table, pile uneven and leaning to one side as he tried to get a grip on his thoughts.

With Mateo, it had been hard. Terrifying. One wrong move and he’d be hated: kicked out of the army, ostracized by his friends and family, lose everything he loved and cared about. He knew how Mateo felt about people like him, how offensive it was for people like Ronan to even walk the same planet as him.

Except he didn’t know Ronan was gay. And Ronan had kept it that way until his last breath.

And if Mateo had found out what Ronan felt towards him?

He couldn’t even finish the thought, burying his face into the palms of his hands as he tried desperately to stop the string of worse case scenarios filling his head.

But Mateo was gone now, and now Wen was here in his place. It made him sick to imagine the angel feeling the same way Mateo did. He couldn’t help it- he tried to, but nothing worked. He couldn’t even think about a woman sexually without cringing, and actually being with one? The idea filled him with dread.

A nervous hand slipped from his face to his hair, fingers combing back the fan in messy clumps. Being with a man filled him with the same feeling, so it really was a no win scenario. For him at least. It was always a lose-lose situation when it came to the half angel. He had the worst luck for as long as he could remember. That whole part of his life just wasn’t an option, from the beginning til the end- well, second end, he guessed.

He either had to find a woman who he could deal with the rest of his life- or he’d be single for the rest of his days. Neither sounded like an option he wanted to take.

At least his family wasn’t here anymore to force him to find a woman. He had the honor of doing that himself now.

“Are you alright Ronan?”

The man in question nearly fell out of his seat, heart racing from the startle. He grabs at his chest- the beating was almost as fast as it used to be- and turns towards the towering man.

“Jesus Christ ‘N, ya scared tha shi’ ou’ta me.”

A sheepish grin pulls at his lips, “Ah, I’m sorry.” He walks over to the table, sitting in the chair across from Ronan, “What were you thinking about?”

The Irishman sighs and shakes his head, a nervous energy buzzing beneath the skin of his fingers as he grabs at the deck again.

“Wha’ makes ya think I was thinkin’ somethin’?”

A hum passes through Wen’s quirked lips, “Well, I know you rarely do.”

An noise of indignation escapes Ronan’s throat, “Excuse ya- I have lo’sa fuckin’ thoughts. Ones tha’ go pas’ which lame movie ta cry a’ o’ which next meal o’ mine ta steal.”

Wen chuckles at that, a shine of mischief in his eyes that made the half angel’s chest fill with warmth and fear, “I do like the taste of your food.”

“We ea’ tha same shi’, I don’ know why ya insis’ on stealin’ i’ off my plate.” He rants, pointing half of the card deck at the angel’s chest. 

“It’s easier to eat it off of your plate than it is to get up and get more.” He grins, a laugh bubbling from his chest that made it really hard for Ronan to scowl at him.

“Ya lazy bastard!”

And like that, they were back to bickering. Wen’s question long gone from his mind, and Ronan’s thoughts shoved back down for a later time. His deck of cards shuffles with ease in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> If you are interested in our characters, please check out both our Tumblr and our Instagram!
> 
> Tumblr:  
> https://redheadedbastards.tumblr.com/  
> Instagram:  
> https://instagram.com/redheadedbastards?igshid=1l0sntfjpcqb1


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